What is it to be a dad?
I know it’s not what it used to be, certainly not when my dad was my age.
For context, I’m 43, married and have 3 kids aged 14, 12, and 9.
I have moments when I forget those details. I’m just a young guy having fun, riding my mtb bike, partying, trying to impress some hot chics and doing stupid shit that can get me hurt if I get it wrong.
Then I snap out of it. I “remember” this young guy having fun has all this other shit going on. Clearly I no longer look like that young guy, plus I’m burdened by that ball and chain known as responsibility that comes with being a guy who has a wife and kids, a job, a house, a cat and a stupid dog, and aspirations of improving my situation.
I know, it’s called growing up, we all do it, to some extent.
I can only explain things from my perspective, and how I’m just trying to do me, the best I can.
We live in a time where self-improvement is all the rage. We’re constantly shown how to look better, to be smarter, to earn more, to improve every fucking aspect of our lives, which is great, except that it’s not because it’s impossible and overwhelming.
So, I’m here trying to figure out how to be the best dad I can. I know I won’t come to any concise conclusion; this is more of an exploration of what is and what could be.
Why even bother?
Well, hopefully just getting the thoughts out of my head will help me to better understand where I’m at and what I can do to improve things.
We all know the fundamentals of what we need to do. Sleep well. Eat well. Exercise a bit. Don’t stress and enjoy the small things day to day.
That’s all very well but as straight forward as that seems there’s always something to derail even those minimum standards.
Distractions are everywhere. Some are legit, most are not. If I can ignore them, get the fundamentals dialed in, then I tend to have time and space to do some activities on the side and that’s where the fun and worthwhile things start to happen
So, for me, fun stuff is usually outside stuff. It usually requires a decent amount of physical effort and if there is speed involved, all the better. I’m talking about skiing or downhill mt biking, but it can also be just going for a walk or a hunt or paddle boarding on the lake.
Now, if can do any or all these things with my kids, all the better, even if it’s not necessarily easier. Because lets face it, it’s never easier.
There is a tradeoff though that I’m happy to make every day of the week. The joy and satisfaction of being out with your kids having that sort of fun and wholesome experiences transcends any inconvenience.
Forgotten and forgiven are all the hassles and issues it took just to get out the door, to remember all the things you and them need, to remind them to do a poo, have a drink and put a jacket on, because once you’re out there doing it, all the money in the world couldn’t buy Me away.
I guess that’s what I am striving for, those moments, when you’re being dad to the kids whilst feeling like a kid yourself.
I know they’re fleeting, that’s what makes them so precious. As fleeting as the children’s childhood, and so while I can, I will endeavor to pursue the moments that make up those memories for which we can look back on together and laugh and know that it was all worth it.
That’s what it’s all about.
